In all of my years of working with people, in the corporate environment, I have been left stunned and sometimes in awe, of how human beings can treat each other. Little is left to the imagination, when one demands respect because they have acquired a title such as manager, supervisor, union worker, shop steward, driver or even tea person.
Equally as fascinating to watch, is how the inferiority complex of team members kick in, when someone feels misunderstood, misinterpreted or left out of a decision-making process.
Then all hell breaks loose, and lo and behold, out come the fighting weapons of destruction. Backbiting, undermining, gossiping, terrorising, intimidation and even revenge. Where in the whole scheme of life, did we as human beings begin to lower our standards of respect for each other?
Where did the important and amazingly simple concept of respect, for oneself and others, disappear to?
My assumption is that the need for materialism, money, approval and self benefit has overtaken our basic understanding, that "At the level of Respect, All people are equal!"
Very simply, we have become Bullies in the workplace.
I firmly believe, that once we have grasped the concept of Respect for oneself, we will be able to look past ourselves and our own selfish needs. Only then will we be able to effect positive change in this world and create a Legacy and example of understanding and care for our children to follow.
Sadly what I have noticed though, is that some people allow members, of both genders, to undermine them and talk down to them, as if it were their lot in life to be treated that way.
So much has been done to ensure that Women Empowerment is strongly emphasised in our everyday lives through media, government, corporate and even at home.
Have we as ladies also lost the plot there too?? Do some ladies abuse their new found rights, gained from women empowerment, for self benefit? Of course they do! To the detriment of all people, in particular other women.
Assertiveness is totally different to being aggressive...
Fear for one's position and the lack of support some people receive at home and the workplace can drive one to act and behave in inappropriate ways at work.
Some people claim, that one's personal life has no bearing on the work environment. I beg to differ.
Lets take the following case studies of two people, whom we recently interacted with during a training programme:
Case Study no. 1
Billy is a 48 year old former war veteran who works in as a senior supervisor. He is divorced and has 3 children who have grown up and moved on in life to pursue their own dreams. John is lonely, insecure, angry and racist. Racist because of his upbring and brainwashing from the previous apartheid government. And very insecure because of affirmative action.
It is now 11 years since apartheid has been abolished and a new representative government is in place.
Now his work situation has him supervising people of different cultures who, he was programmed to believe, were a threat to the safety of mankind. He also has to report to the "enemy" and was afraid of the consequences. What do "these people" know about running the company, let alone the country?
He was in emotional turmoil and without knowing it, his everyday actions were coming across as aggressive, intimidating and downright self-righteous. All guided by his past experiences.
His treatment of women in the workplace was outrageous, as he firmly believed that all women should repent for his failed relationship with his wife. They have been divorced for 15 years.
Since then he had bullied and intimidated team members into doing things his way.
Understandably, his methods had not succeeded in any way, except to anger and upset everyone. And yet he still demanded respect for his position at work.
As a result his distrustful colleagues sneered and laughed at him, bad mouthed or avoided him at every opportunity. No-one wanted to be around his intense negativity and nobody invited him to office functions.
Case Study no 2.
Sally is a middle aged Medical expert. She has been divorced for 5 years and has two children. Her husband had left her for another woman of a different culture and had recently passed away from a heart attack.
Her daughter is sickly and her son has been downtrodden by the two ladies in the house, to repent for the actions of his father.
Sally had abandonment issues, an inferiority complex of being brought up in the old apartheid era, using it as a constant excuse for her ill treatment of colleagues at work, who she felt were over-privileged.
She failed to understand that her family's wealth sent her overseas to study at the best universities. An opportunity which was not available to millions of people during the apartheid era. Her family were rich, privileged and could afford thousands of luxuries that she took for granted, but the value of which could mean the difference between life or death for seriously poverty stricken people.
She was always spoilt as an only daughter and came to believe that she deserved to be the apple of everyones' eyes, regardless of circumstances. When life did not provide, she threw tantrums. Her behaviour at work was one of hatred toward men, disgust towards anyone who were classified privileged and she appeared to be prejudicially biased towards the ruling party.
Her heart and soul were in Me Land. What can I get out of this relationship, what does this man know about anything, nobody understands me, everyone is after my money..... and the list goes on.
At work, she came across as a know-it-all, pompous, man hating feminist, anti anyone who was not of the so called oppressed culture. Needless to say, her self and biased behaviour caused disgust and anger amongst colleagues and friends.
Somewhere along the line, we human beings, have lost the support structure of understanding.
In both of the above cases, the two people came to work with emotional trauma and baggage from their past experiences. When Human Resources departments interview possible candidates, not many delve into questions that will give them a fuller picture or insight into the real personality of the person in front of them.
Their questions are based on whether or not the individual will be able to perform in a professional work environment. They look at work experience not life experience. They seldom realise that people are born with the ability to adapt and change their personalities to any situation. So what you see is a facade.
At the end of the day, each person walking into that office, is walking in with human life experiences, pain, anger, sadness, guilt, frustration
We need to understand, guide, care and listen to people more. As human beings, we need to connect with each other at a deeper level to help heal whatever emotions or experiences we have that prevent us from functioning in a respectful way at work.
We have failed to understand that our experiences on this earth are there for us to learn from and to move on in life. Never repeating the bad mistakes, and for us to openly guide everyone else in areas where we succeed.
Respect has many aspects. Respect for self, age, language, gender, children, our own personal power, religion, spirituality, sexual preference, race, culture, earth, animals etc....
Strangely enough some people in the work and home environments, somehow believe that respect is Power. They misguidedly believe that they will only receive respect from colleagues ,once they drive the latest vehicle, own the hugest mansion and have the gold-plated plaque - "Director","Manager", or "CEO" on their office door.
It is true to some extent. In some cases the only respect that some people in high up positions get, is based on personal material weath that they have acquired. Which amounts to a false type of respect... one of envy, jealousy, anger, hypocritical friendships etc...
Many leaders in their field have earned and deserve the respect that they get because they have worked hard, striven for the best, built other people and shared their experiences to enhance their work environment in a positive, powerful way. It is however, not acceptable for Managers to abuse that respect by dominating, overpowering and intimidating their workforce into submission.
The type of respect one hopes to achieve in the workplace should be one founded on shared and commonly understood, human values. People should be respected because:
- of their knowledge, wisdom, experience, love for mankind and ability to share and guide others.
- they are trustworthy and for their communication skills.
- they openly help and assist without hope of personal gain.
- they can be relied on in both good times and bad.
- they are professional people who live the goals of the organisation, and fulfil their personal goals.
- they understand the true meaning of being good and kind, gentle yet firm.
- they are a rock that you can lean on....
- they exude humanness.
- they listen, rather than demands or tell.
- they exude compassion and understanding, not rules and regulations.
- they are people of integrity!
It is scary to think that in any organisation, one can count the number of employees ,with these traits, on one hand.
Where to from here? How do you and your colleagues go back to the simplicity of Human Awareness? What solutions are there available at the moment, that can help and guide you to heightened Respect in the workplace and at home.
My suggestion, is that you look at personal transformation first, thereafter holistic transformation of the workplace and the family environment.
We have over the last 15 years, through personal experience, explored, experimented and come up with a solution that is changing lives all over the country and the world.
We have developed the Celebrating Humanity© programme.
Our motto: "At the level of Respect, All people are equal". Life does not come any simpler than that.The people in the above case studies are very real. Their experiences true and undiluted in its extremeties. Their names have been changed.
They recently had the opportunity to attend our programme and after two full days of care, honour and respect, have changed their behaviour and attitude towards themselves, family, life and most importantly, their work colleagues.
The photo depicted above is a recent programme that we facilitated with a group of highly specialised engineers. In the group were managers of various levels. They built their relationships powerfully through the various processes that allowed them to clear interpersonal challenges, underlying conflict and to walk away with a clear set of human values based on how they will and will not behave or treat each other in the workplace. All based in respect and care.
In their work environments people with different backgrounds, skills, education levels and personalities are brought together to perform a variety of functions. Their personal actions, behaviours and beliefs were preventing the fluid flow of their organisations.
Our programme has been specifically designed to make people feel valued for who they are, their ability to enhance and explore their skills and to respect each other as the other person wishes to be respected.
We take into account each persons background, culture, language, religion, abilities, skills, education level and experience and use those very skills to bring everyone together into one cohesive team that is focusses on working to achieve their personal and company goals.
We believe that every person deserves to be and feel respected in the work environment regardless of their position.
My question therefore is this - If you could take out the underlying currents in the workforce and create a harmonious work environment, then would you be interested?
If the answer is yes! Then I am talking to a visionary and would welcome your input, questions, queries and requests.
For more information on our programmes, visit www.celebratinghumanityinternational.com or www.kileadership.com
Until we meet,
take care and have fun!
Arthie Moore
